SUNSETS AND DANDELIONS
As I sit on the terrace of my building with a dandelion in hand, watching the sunset, I realize it’s been about a year I’ve been away from home, away from the familiar faces I grew up with, the cacophony of the city streets I knew like the back of my hand, and it takes the world to say, I couldn’t be happier.
It has been hard for a while, being alone in a new city, trying to get away from the memories that wouldn’t let me sleep back at home for the familiarity of the surrounding. It has been hard for a while, not having anyone around the night before the exam, trying to succumb to the pressure of assignments, dialing numbers from the past and hitting the red button before it connects. There have been nights and days spent at home alone, bunking classes, coming to terms with reality that I actually did it, moving away from home, out of Calcutta, which I’ve been wanting to do since I was in school. Calcutta has given me a lot, a set of family, handful of friends, a beautiful beautiful mate in my music instrument, all packed with a bag full of betrayal, trauma and memories I’ll take this lifetime to get over.
Coming out of the city has given me perspectives, on people, on situations I have played again and again in my mind, on conversations that have changed my life and mostly, on my own nature. Doing dishes, cooking food, cleaning the house and getting buried under piles of assignments slowly seemed to grow on me, occupying most of the space in my mind, like the loud music you play to stop your anxiety temporarily.
It was a slow growth, this time. I took my time, all the time I could need, to ease myself into the social world. One semester, to know the names of my classmates, another, to let people in. How beautiful it is, to take things slow, to give yourself the space you’ve craved for long, to gift yourself long walks with loud music and to finally meet people who would wait on you till you take the wall down one brick at a time.
It took me one full year to tell myself that it’s okay to move on, from everything holding me back, be it the guy I’d change the world for, the friend I couldn’t imagine living without or the family who’s never been appreciative of my small triumphs.
I have a new home, new set of beliefs, perspectives, coping mechanisms and dreams. I found three lovely human beings who’d ditch the party, call an SOS meeting at Udipi, order 4 strong coffees and be all ears to my minor inconveniences.
Kids, at the end of the storm, there’s always a golden sky, so cut all the loose ties, don’t wait on people to change, alter your dreams and hopes, give yourself a better life. You can’t possibly fathom what a marvelous feeling it is to realize you can stand on your own feet without any other support, all the helping hands come as a bonus now.
A sucker for sunsets, I have always looked forward to beautiful endings, resembling the advent of new beginnings. Bangalore has changed me as a person, made me a self sufficient human being, but the best thing it’s done is giving me the opportunity to realize that I have myself to live for. Like I said at the beginning, it takes the world for me to say that moving out of Calcutta has been the best thing in my life.