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Unlike most kids, ever since childhood I was thrilled with the idea of living away from family. I remember asking my mom to send me off to a boarding school. Not sure what had triggered such discomfort in being around them. Maybe being forced to talk, smile, be the kid you’ve been asked to be. I have always been a moody kid, or that’s how my mother still likes to define me as. I despise talking, for most bit. On the contrary, if this was my nature, my brother was a complete opposite- jolly, studious, cute and an absolute family favourite.

Being a loner had grown on me; so much, that even sharing the trauma of a series of sexual assaults with my own mother became uncomfortable. Since the age of 8, I learned to bear my pain, fear, discomfort and decisions in my heart. Like Joker said, ‘whatever doesn’t kill you, simply makes you stranger’. And that’s what I became, even more than before- strange.

I’ve maintained a diary since class 3, that day I spoke out to my teacher when she asked why I sit alone. She was a wonderful human being and came up with the best solution- ‘maintain a diary and make it your best friend, because no one will understand you better than yourself’. She passed away a few years ago, but her words still ring in my ears.

At the age of 19, I found another refuge- drums. I had asked a fellow classmate to teach me. I didn’t have the nerve to ask my parents to buy me an actual drum kit back then. I took up tuitions to pay the fees and there in return I discovered this whole new happy side of me. Happiness is probably an understatement, the feeling was euphoric. For every mood, every time another close friend walked out, drums was there. Sneaking out late at night to run to the jam pad for extra hours of peace was highly satisfying.

You see, one particular day back in high school, sitting amidst enthusiastic classmates, with nobody having the slightest idea that it was my birthday, made me realize that my life is pathetic, that I’m just another sad story. Kids, let your life unfold one step at a time. (Very HIMYM, I know). Screw astrology and Sunday morning zodiac readings because if they were to be true, I was supposed to be dead quite early in life.

Had I ever thought that I would step into a time in life when I would actually discover people who want to be friends with me? That there are going to be these awesome human beings who not only let me be myself, stick around despite me being the classic Will Hunting (not his genius bit though) but also wait months to let me open up?

Today, sitting here, about 1900kms away from home, I caught myself wondering if I am at peace. I got what I wanted, being away from home, doing my own dishes, laundry, cooking my own food, taking care of myself and enjoying the privacy I had only dreamt of before. Being a new girl in the city, and given my awkward nature, I still haven’t been able to make a friend. But I’m sure life has another chapter in store for me, with another bunch of amazing mortals like the fools who have made me believe in myself.

‘You never know when you’re about to meet someone very important. It’s not like life gives you a warning. You just look up and there they are.’ Kids, believe in Ted Mosby, because just when you’re going to give up, you might just meet the one with a yellow umbrella, like the one I met in a United jersey with messy hair and a great taste in music, three years back.

Life is good, and if nothing, I always have something to look forward to; going home in 5 months.



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