OF FRIENDS THAT FELL APART
My visits to my social media platforms are often marred with long spells of inactivity. To the extent that my existence, even in real life is subjected to severe inquiries. Because who, in times like ours stays away from the mandatory pull that is social validation? And yet, I somehow succeed. Or as others would term it, fail, miserably at establishing my continued and thereby acceptable presence.
But what draws me away apart from the obvious reasons listed in endless essays on the banes of social existence is the fear of accidentally brushing past a distant memory, a long lost friend, or simply at times, a buried grief. And incidentally, that is exactly what triggered the scales of my opinion towards dislike, as far as social media is concerned. My visits to my social media platforms are often marred with long spells of inactivity. To the extent that my existence, even in real life is subjected to severe inquiries. Because who, in times like ours stays away from the mandatory pull that is social validation? And yet, I somehow succeed. Or as others would term it, fail, miserably at establishing my continued and thereby acceptable presence.
I cannot recall the number of times I’ve come across a random post reminding me of a person who was once all ears to my mindless words but is now as distant as a deaf acquaintance. The point of such posts is not always a jibe at our inabilities but rather a reminder of the crude ways of life. It is not always a prod at our miserable memories but perhaps a hopeful pat that something beautiful once existed and you were a part of it and maybe that part is never completely lost.
We lose people, friends more than others, for a number or reasons. And we commit the blunder of viewing friendship through a veil of emotions only, thereby overlooking the rational aspects that hold any and all relationships together. The reasons for drifting apart from a friend often stems from the age that we are passing through. It might be differences that arose from a harmless argument controlled by hormonal changes or the appearance of a new member into a pre-existing group. It might originate from the hardships of distance or at times from the blunder of being too close for one’s own good.
More often than is desirable, a lover happens to create a rift between the best of friends. And the blame need not necessarily rest with the lover. We choose to view a friend and a loved one as two very different entities who cannot overlap in the constricted set that is our life. We often try to view one through the eyes of the other and wish to seek our validation in both of their eyes. We let ourselves be overruled by emotions instead of questioning the core reason of a problem. A ‘problem’, so to say, is not the problem. It is the inability to view it with a rational mind that makes the problem a problem.
Obviously, time alone can help us view life in such a simplified manner. And at times, it might indeed be too late. What matters though is to not fret upon the fact that something is irreparable but to realize and promise oneself of never repeating our mistakes. Because you were never foolish in the first place for depositing your faith and a part of your soul into someone who you thought was worth sharing it with. It is only when you believe in yourself, irrespective of the outcome, will you be able to take on life in a more composed manner.
I have, for a long time in my life, reacted to losing a friend by embracing the most obvious and flawed alternative- do not get so close to anybody else. I obviously do not criticize this method, having undertaken it myself. But over time, I have put considerable enough thought into it to realize that this system isn’t foolproof. Because maturity need not necessarily mean the jettisoning of beliefs we once held dear. Maturity is about evolving with our beliefs. Because a friendship as intimate as the one we were once a part of, felt good and right to us. And no matter what the consequence, nobody can take away the feeling that it arose in us. It is okay for our fears to cloud the need for the same for a certain amount of time. But to never let a ray of light in is the real mistake we make. Because we always keep preaching about how right it is to give everyone a second chance. So extend that philosophy to yourself as well. Because nobody will follow you into a lane that you yourself are afraid to walk into.
Have you ever wondered that every time you ponder over the mistakes you made, the other person might be doing the same over theirs? Do you not wonder that the person who you so dearly miss, might be missing you too? Have we traveled so deep along our egos that we cannot go back and at least try for once to mend something that was so special to us? Tell me honestly if you often imagine a postcard scenario where both of you come out of your shells of pride and extend and olive branch to each other, thereby overcoming every hardship and starting anew? Would it really hurt if you tried?
I don’t think so. And because i believe in what i said, i want you to give yourself a second chance. Talk if you haven’t for so long, look into their eyes if you’ve always avoided their gaze, try lighting a spark again into what was once a beautiful fire. And then tell me if the trying was worth it. So go back to your social media, relive the old memories, laugh over the silly pictures and send them a greeting. Do not cower away like I do. Because my point here is not to preach, but to garner the strength by seeing you all take that leap of faith. I’ll be grateful. And so will your friend, who, if you think about it, never really fell apart.